Dream-O-Meter (a la Hammer)

Well, of course there's a lot to say about Argentina and all. The trip is going great. I spent yesterday afternoon in Uruguay and tonight we're going to a party. But as I haven't had therapy in a few weeks, and this blog is my outlet, I need to process some other other stuff here. I'll write more about the trip when I have a few minutes.

What I really want to talk about-- I've been having some VERY strange dreams the past few nights! I usually don't remember my dreams, but lately, they've been crystal clear. I'm warning you-- two of them have to do with semen, so if you're not interested, don't read on.

DREAM No. 1:

I am in NY and not feeling well. I've been complaining to my mom for a few days that there's something wrong with me, but she keeps telling me I look okay to her. I try to ignore my general feeling of aches and fever and go about my daily schedule.

One night I'm hanging out with N. He decides to play a game--no surprise to me. Fairly routine. He wants to see how many times he can come in my mouth in one afternoon. We are laying around, watching TV, eating takeout and being bored. Every few minutes he jacks himself off or I give him a blow job. We make it up to 10-12 times.

The next day I'm feeling even worse. I'm running a high fever and I'm starting to sweat profusely. I go to the doctor. Nobody can figure out what's wrong with me. I go from doctor to doctor. I'm at all sorts of special clinics. The more time that goes by, the more sick I'm feeling, and my lips start to taste salty and the sweat starts to thicken. Finally, they send me to see some specialist. He tells me that it's not sweat, but semen and that I have a condition in which I've ingested more semen than my body is able to metabolize. He tells me that there's nothing I can do except to rest, stay of alcohol and cigarettes and wait for my body to process it out.

It continues to get worse and worse. It's now coming from every pore in my body. I'm literally covered in semen--dripping semen from everywhere. My hair is sticky and gross. I start to cry over this atrocious condition, and even the tears are made of semen. I can't get rid of it.

Then I woke up.

DREAM No.2:

In this dream, I have some kind of office job. I'm told I need to go on a business trip with male colleages. They're all older than I am-- in their 40's. We are supposed to be at some sort of convention and we're staying at some sort of cheap hotel.

One night we all go out for drinks at the hotel bar and then we go swimming in the pool. I remember thinking it's foolish to swim while drunk. The next day I'm in the hotel room with one of them men. I'm sharing a room with him. He tells me that I was flirting with him the night before. I deny it and he says I probably just don't remember.

He starts trying to touch me and I tell him that I'm not going to have sex with him.

"You OWE it to me!" he says.

I genuinely feel guilty and bad, because in my dream, I know that he's right. I ask him if we can come up with some sort of compromise. He asks for a blow job but I tell him that I don't want to do that. He's getting really annoyed. He says he'll settle for masturbating in front of me if he can come onto my face. I tell him that it's too intimate and that I don't want to. He asks if he can come onto my chest instead. He tells me that's his "final offer." I decide that it's fair and take off my shirt. He does his thing and that's the last thing I remember from that one.

DREAM No. 3:

This one was inspired, in part, I think, by the fact that Hammer and I had a little spat before I left, in part by a conversation Hammer had with the Wizard many months ago, and also by Mystic's impersonation of me on his blog.

I break it off with N but Hammer stays friends with him. I tell her I don't want her to talk to him, but she tells me that she's her own person and that it's not my business if she's friends with him or not. I'm really upset but there's not much I can do about it.

The next thing I know, I am at some kind of event-- an awards ceremony or something. It's some kind of black tie gala and NDN is my date. We take our seats in the auditorium and I notice that across the aisle, a few rows in front of us, Hammer is there with Narc and they are on a date. He has his arm around her. I get really upset. NDN says he's going to go talk to Hammer, to try to explain to her how I feel. I don't want N to see me though.

I duck down on my hands and knees in the small space in front of my seat while NDN goes over to Hammer. I can see Narc saying something like

"Whatever you have to say to her you can say in front of me! "

NDN is trying to lead Hammer outside. I get up from my hiding space, thinking I'm safe, but Narc sees me.

NDN and Hammer go outside and Narc grabs my arm.

"It's YOU, Hyde!" he says. "I should have known that YOU'd have something to do with this!"

I start to cry hysterically. I can't breathe and collapse onto the floor. He's standing straight above me staring down.

"Get up!" he's commanding. "Stop being hysterical! This is sucky! I hate when you get like this. Stop these antics right now."

I feel myself going into some kind of strange catatonic trance-like state. I can't move or speak, although I hear him. He starts shaking me. Then he grabs me by the ankle and starts dragging me towards the door. It hurts my leg.

We see NDN and Hammer talking outside. They are atop a huge white staircase, much like the one at the Public Library or the Met Museum.

"Get up, Hyde!" he says again. "That is, unless you can fly!"

He starts to drag me down the stairs. I feel my head pounding against each stone as we descend, but now it doesn't hurt. I do feel like I'm flying. I feel high as hell. My heart is fluttering.

NDN and Hammer start to chase after us. I don't remember the next bit, but I'm in some alley-way. It's just me and Narc.

"I love you, Hyde," he says. "It's just that I can't be with you. I already explained to you why. But you know that I love you, right?"

I feel myself melting out of my catatonic state. Suddenly Hammer is there and Narc leaves my side and goes over to her and he is trying to "win her over."

"Don't be an idiot," she says. "This was never what you thought! You know I love the Wiz!"

She walks over to me to see how I am. N looks wounded.

I don't remember the rest.


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Anyway, you guys, we're leaving Buenos Aires on Sunday morning for Carilo-- a town on the coast. I don't think I'll have any internet there. So I may not be back for a while. We've got wild party plans for New Year's Eve. I hope I can make it after tonight's party and being run down and all. I am still so sad, but trying not to be.

My heart fucking hurts.

I miss you all and all of blogland!!!

:)

h