In Love with Love!

Well, I might as well get started filling you all in on what I've been up to! (Do you ever feel like blogging can get to be a chore? I mean, I love it, but the responsibility to update can get annoying sometimes, especially when there's a lot to write!).

Anyway, NextDoorNeighbor showed up bright and early on Sunday morning for what he cheerfully dubbed our "ethnic food jaunt" through Jackson Heights. (And by the way, for the rest of this entry, I'll be calling him NDN. I'm feeling lazy.) We took the 7-train out there, getting at 74th and Roosevelt. From there we proceeded north on 74th street, taking in all of the sights and sounds of the Indian culture. I used to walk that street back when I taught high school in Queens (2001-2002). I remember peering into the windows of those gorgeous jewelry shops, the brightly colored gold winking back at me. Eventually, I could bear it no more. I gave into temptation and bought myself a ring.

(Shit. I just have to add as an aside that it's really hurting to type this. I chewed off all my nails and now I'm left with bloody stumps for fingers. Fucking torture!)

Anyway, back to my day with NDN. He was joking around and said he was going to make me model a sari so he could photograph it. He just loves playing with his new camera! Luckily for me, it didn't happen. Our first food stop of the day? We went into an Indian bakery and he pointed to something behind the counter.

"We'll take two of those!"

What were we eating? We had no clue, but whatever it was, it was sweet and delicious! Next we headed into the Patel Brothers Market--a huge Indian grocery. At about that point, I realized I had worn the wrong pair of shoes for a day of walking. I was starting to get blisters. NDN almost bought some spicy chickpeas, but didn't. He drank a mango drink and I looked for band-aids for my toes. We chatted about his ex-girlfriend with whom he had dinner the night before. NDN is working with Nissan corporation as part of his new job doing Hispanic marketing. He wanted to stop at the Nissan dealer on Northern Blvd. to see how well they cater to hispanic clients. But before we got there, we stopped off at Duane Reade so that I could bandage my poor toes. NDN's friend sent him a bitchy text message and I told him to "kill her with kindness" in response. It worked! She texted back an apology. Anyway, as we approached the car dealership, NDN told me to pretend that we were married and that we needed to buy a car.

"Okay, but where's the ring?" I asked.

(By the way, as I write this, it just got pitch black outside from gathering storm clouds. I think we're gonna have an INSANE thunderstorm in about five minutes!)

We entered into the side showroom at Nissan. It was hot and there were no salespeople in sight. Finally, we realized that we were in the wrong place and found our way into the main showroom. NDN chatted it up with a sales representative named Humphrey. I didn't think much of the service. (NDN later told me that my observations were gold! lol!) While I waited for him to take all of his notes, I made friends with two little girls who were playing in one of the cars. The seven-year-old informed me that neither she nor her one-year-old sister were ever going to get married because she "doesn't like boys." It was cute.

Leaving the car dealership, my feet were hurting beyond compair, so we stopped at CVS. I bought flip flops and sunscreen and we proceeded on our way. We walked past the school where I used to teach, giving NDN a glimpse into my past. Outside the school, I bought pineapple ices from a woman at a cart. Yum! Then we headed over to 37th avenue and walked east. We decided on Colombian food for lunch, but first stopped at Don Francisco's Market so that NDN could buy some mate.* It's a crazy upper herbal drink and apparently he got addicted to it while living in Buenos Aires. I still haven't tried any, but I'm dying to. NDN makes it sound as good as crack (not that I've tried that either), and he promises to become my "mate-dealer" should I get addicted. There we met Don Francisco himself and NDN charmed all of them in Spanish.

(Shit! Here's the thunderstorm! I just saw a huge crack of lightning next to the Chrysler Building! Now my cat is scared. It's so cute!)

Onwards to lunch! We continued east on 37th until we reached La Gata Golosa on the corner of 37th avenue and 89th street. We both had the afternoon "special"--a big bowl of crab soup and a plate of rice, seafood and salad. I also had an empanada as an appetizer. Delicious! After lunch, we were stuffed, but NDN still had room for a cholado. We got it at a bodega across the street--Casa Latina. A cholado is "a Colombian iced drink that's a cross between a thick fruit shake and an ice cream sundae. It's made with shaved ice, sweetened condensed milk, fruit syrups, fresh fruit and whipped cream." (That's from NDN's foodie book). It actually looked a lot like halo-halo--a Philippine dessert that I've had a few times with B. I had to abstain because it looked like it would just about kill me from the sugar crash that I'm sure would have followed. Instead, I ate the cherries off the top of his and just had a sip.

Both of us stuffed at that point, we swung back around towards Roosevelt Avenue and walked back to the 74th street station. I wanted a dessert myself after watching NDN enjoy his and had a sudden craving for lime ices. Unfortunately, we couldn't find another woman with a ices-cart. We did find someone selling another treat for NDN--some kind of cold sweet milk drink. (I have to ask him what it was called). We also stopped and got a taste of some grilled corn with fat kernels from another street cart. At long last, after about 15 blocks, we started to see people eating the ices I was looking for. NDN asked where they had bought them, and we tracked down the lady with the cart. I had my yummy lime ices and my tongue turned green (which NDN later photographed).

As you know, Hammer was in town for the weekend and we wanted to meet up again later that day. called her and we made plans for her and the Wizard to join me and NDN at the Bohemian Beer Hall in Astoria. The Wizard was taking a nap, so Hammer said she'd wake him in a little while. NDN and I got to the beer hall at about 3:30 in the afternoon. I staked out a table and he brought over a pitcher of beer (which we polished off before Hammer and the Wizard even arrived!). I started taking stupid pictures of NDN while he was on his cell phone. Then he took a picture of me--what he calls the "perfect" picture--all cleavage and beer. We were just being jackasses together. It was hot out and we were tired. Maybe that explains some of the general delirium.

When Hammer and the Wizard got there, they were hungry. The Wizard said he knew of a great Mexican place right by the Astoria Blvd. stop on the N train. We headed over. The food there was amazing. (The Wizard is a big fan of barbacoa and NDN shared his guacamole with everyone. Man, was I stuffed!) Leaving the restaurant, we noticed an antique store a few doors down. Actually, it was more like a junk store. We all went in to explore. Hammer found a painting that she said she wanted to buy for me. She said it looked like something I would make. The background was electric blue and in the foreground were a naked woman (all tied up), an egg and a giant eye leaking tears from the sky. It was surrealistic, and more expensive than we thought it would be. I told her I would just have to make my own version (which I did on Monday night). I bought a lamp for $20 which I'm quite enamored with. It's tall and gold and has a lampshade adorned with beads and feathers--totally decadent! It's something you'd find in Norma Desmond's boudoir. The feathers creeped Hammer out a little because she's a bird person. I also just HAD to invest in two tacky '70s photos of Elvis. While in those pictures he's clearly past his prime, he's still the king. (I know I've been all about Narc lately, but the king will ALWAYS be the king of my heart!)

From there, the four of us all piled onto the subway back to my place. There were really annoying teenagers seated across from us and they kept laughing. I hate when people laugh obnoxiously in public. (Pet peeve, I guess...) Back at my place, we settled in to watch the first three episodes of the first season of 24. (I have it on DVD). The Wizard only started watching 24 this season and had never seen them. I got to fall in love with Jack all over again. He kicks ass! And Hammer got to indulge her crush on Senator Palmer (who was only a measly senator then). The show was so different back then...definitely pre-9/11. It was kind shocking. The world really was a different place. Anyway, we had a good time. Hammer and the Wizard had ice pops (which the Wizard called a lollypop) and I was sad to see them go. (Hammer had to catch a train early the next morning).

The next day I was all set to be productive. I had formulated that massive "to-do" list and was all determined to eat well, exercise (after the food binge on Sunday) and finally get to work on my incompletes. Well, guess what? It didn't happen. I slept in late and then wasted a lot of time. It was bad. I lost momentum and got really depressed. Really really REALLY depressed. I'm just so fucking moody lately.

I didn't know what to do with myself and got all introspective and just wanted to journal. I finally filled up the journal I bought a year ago, so I decided to head to B&N to pick out a new one. (I got a very pretty leather book with a picture of Venice on the cover). While there, I also bought four CDs. It was indulgent, but it got me out of the house and cheered me up for a while. I also stopped by the art supply store and bought some canvases so I could do my naked woman/egg/ eye painting. Then I came home and ate fried rice for dinner, which made me feel sluggish and like shit about myself in general. As I was painting, I got even more emotional. I think it was cathartic and tapped into a lot of what I've been dealing with. I felt so disconnected from everything and everyone in the world. I wanted to call Narc, but as our problem was "resolved," I wasn't sure if he would still feel close to me. Ughh… It's still all swimming around in my head, but I think it's best if it remains unblogged about.

I had plans to talk to B at around 10:00. By the time I called him, I was even more emotional and feeling really bad. We ended up getting into a stupid fight. He has been under stress too and was picking on me a little. I just couldn't take it and I started to cry hysterically. I couldn't stop for about half an hour but then our conversation turned out okay. After that, I needed to blow off some steam, so grabbed my journal and headed to Cheers. As I walked through the door, BarMan saluted me, and told me to come hang out at his end of the bar. (Jealous, NDN?) Once there, I found myself next to BulgarianGuy! I haven't seen that guy in a while--especially now that he's dating Anxious. He's been on a little hiatus from Cheers. I've always liked him, but now it felt strange. Honestly, I don't want my personal life getting back to Anxious, so I couldn't be totally candid. Later on, ThursdayGirl showed up as well. The three of us hung out for a while, when at about 12:45 am my phone rang. YAY!!! It was the Narc! I had been longing for him to call, but didn't want to call him because of the delicate state of our developing relationship. But I so badly wanted to see him, or just talk to him. I just needed to with all that we've been through. I just haven't been feeling normal... I was super psyched to hear from him. I jumped up out of my chair and agreed to meet him at Yaffa's downtown. I was soooooooo happy.

I got to Yaffa's at about 1:15 am. Narc and I stayed out all night drinking. We had an interesting conversation about "losing our respective virginities." I was already pretty drunk when I got there, but the two of us managed to polish off the night with many more. It was a good time (and again, we ran up quite a bill). After Yaffa's we went to a "country bar" not far from his place. I was in heaven because the juke box was all Elvis and Johnny Cash, and I got to play whatever I wanted to with no complaints from Narc, after all, the King and the Man-in-Black were basically all that they had. When we were both so drunk that the night became blurry, we headed home.

(To give you an idea of our level of intoxication, here's a snippet of a conversation from the next day:

Narc: "Did we watch Six Feet Under last night?"
Hyde: "Um, no. I don't think so, anyway."
Narc: "Are you sure? I kind of thought that we did. Let's check it out"

He put the taped episode on.

Narc: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure we watched this... "
Hyde: "We did?"
Narc: "Oh, wait, no. I don't remember this part. That must be when I blacked out. Or did we stop paying attention? Did we screw around last night?"
Hyde: "I don't know. Maybe?"

Okay, how pathetic is that?)

Anyway, on Tuesday we slept in until about 2:00 in the afternoon and then lay around and fucked all day (even while I was on the phone at one point). Fabulous! Finally, we decided that we were being too decadent and we had to get out of the house for margaritas. NDN called and I invited him to come and join us. Narc and I ate dinner at MaryAnn's and downed a pitcher of margaritas. NDN arrived towards the end of the meal and had a Long Island iced tea. Because Narc had spent so much on our bar tab the night before, I told the boys it was my treat.

We were seated at an outdoor cafe, and before NDN arrived, a homeless man came up to us and asked me and Narc for help. He asked if we would read him an address off a slip of paper. He said that he couldn't read. I read him the address, wished him luck and gave him $5.00.

"Thank you and God bless," he said. Then he turned to Narc. "You have a wonderful wife, sir! A wonderful wife! You're a lucky man."

"Thanks," Narc replied, "but she's not my wife."

I was embarrassed.

We finished at MaryAnn's and headed over to Mocca (one of Narc's usual spots) for martinis and dessert. All in all, it was a good time. I was glad to see Narc and NDN hanging out and getting along. (NDN, you need to give my readers some feedback in the comment section here!) NDN took off after a few rounds while Narc and I stayed a while longer. We finally turned at around 11:00. I think we were both kind of wiped from our late night the night before.

Back at his place, we decided to rent a movie "on demand." We were both in the mood for something brainless and scary, so we picked The Grudge. The movie was really bad, but as I'm totally susceptible to horror movies, I kept jumping the whole time. Narc was amused. After the movie, we got into bed, but I couldn't fall asleep. I kept getting spooked thinking that there was someone standing over me.

"Don't worry," he said as he dozed off. "Just sleep... I'll protect you. "

I thought it was sweet. I tried to believe him and eventually I fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up early because I had to call my therapist. I told Narc that I'd be back in an hour and I went to make the call from plaza in front of his building. Then I went back up to his apartment and crawled back into bed. By that time, he was awake. He got up and showered, and we hung out for a little bit.

"Brunch?" he suggested.

"Ok."

We headed over to Bubby's for food. The afternoon stretched out lazily ahead. We decided it was a perfect afternoon for the movies. We both wanted to see something that was playing at Film Forum. In retrospect was kind of a odd choice for us, as it dealt with some issues that were sensitive for both of us, but especially for Narc. After the movie he got up and dashed out of the theater right away as the credits were rolling. He didn't look at me or wait for me. I knew how uncomfortable he was and wanted to make it easier. When I met him outside the theater, neither of us mentioned the film.

After that, we started to walk aimlessly. I asked him what he was up to next. He said he had plans with friends later in the evening. I was all grimy and still wearing Monday's clothes, but I didn't want to leave him.

"So what are your plans, my lovely?" he asked.

I liked how he said that.

"I don't know... Try to be productive, I guess. But I guess I'll just walk you home first and then head back to my place."

Narc was making arrangements to see Batman Begins. He already had four tickets to the IMAX show at 7:30. While we were walking, one of his friends called him and canceled. I wondered, for a moment, if he would invite me to take the ticket, but he didn't. Narc has now spent time with a handful of my friends, but has never invited me along with his. I wonder if he ever will…

We walked back to Tribeca through SoHo and stopped in at the Mac store because his computer was acting up again. He tried to book an appointment to have it serviced, but they were all filled up for the day. I told him not to worry, and assured him that I would make the appointment for him online after midnight (they only do same-day scheduling and you have to make the appointment in person or online). Well, if you read my last post, you know how that turned out! After that, we walked past the Open Center and browsed around the book store. I wrote in my journal for a while and he read some book. I was feeling in love. It was nice. Finally, I walked him home, he kissed me goodbye, and we parted ways.

Back at my place, I checked my email and had a little downtime, but I had to rush to meet VJ for dinner. She's moving to Miami at the end of the month and it's really sad. I'm going to miss her! She's been in NY for 9 years and I can't imagine it here without her. I met her at her apartment (which is half packed up) and we went out to a nearby diner, catching up on a lot of things. Her new guy is coming into town this weekend, and I told her that I have to meet him. I'm excited for that. She couldn't stay out late because she had to get up early to teach this morning, so after that I headed over to Cheers on my own. I had dropped my cell phone while out with VJ and the whole thing came apart, so in the cab back home I carefully tried to piece it back together. It looks like it's taken a beating, but it's holding up and it's still working, so it's all good...

(By the way, it just stopped raining. The sky is brightening again.)

At Cheers, I started drinking pretty fast. Honestly, I don't know why... Maybe because I didn't want to go home? Maybe it was out of boredom? In any event, NDN came out to meet me, and he got pretty wasted too. I was talking to a woman there who always calls me "French Revolution" because the first time I met her, that's what I was reading about. She's nice, but kind of annoying. She's 48 and was telling me and NDN that she still lives in the same studio-apartment she moved into 18 years ago; she still comes out and gets drunk at Cheers alone. Is that going to be me 18 years from now? I hope not (I fear so!).

NDN and I had a great time. We both got a little too drunk though, and NDN was getting rowdy, so I suggested that he take off for home. Somewhere in the middle of all that Narc called to ask me to make the computer appointment for him. That's when I told him that I "absolutely love him," and he replied that he "loves me too."

Yes!!!!!! Yes!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so fucking happy, and even though I haven't heard from him all day today (which makes me really nervous because I think he's mad at me), it will take more than that to bring me down from that kind of high.

After NDN left, some guy was lingering in Cheers wanting to walk me home. I didn't want him to though, so when Cheers closed I asked IrishBird to walk me back to my place. I should have stayed home, but I didn't. Instead I went back out to Manchester where I got wasted until Sean Duffy cut me off. It's kind of embarrassing when I think of it now. On my way back from that little excursion, I bumped into Druggie in the elevator. He was thrilled (and drunk. And probably high). I don't remember much of our conversation, but at least I didn't end up hanging out with him.

Anyway, today I woke up on the couch where I passed out last night. I was devastated that I failed to get up to make Narc's appointment for him. I hope he's not disappointed in me. I sent him a text right away:

Sorry! I suck. Fell asleep on the couch so didn't hear the alarm. Made the appt though--3:55. PLEASE let me know if it works out! Sorry again...

I really really really REALLY hope he's not mad at me. I just feel like things are so fragile and I want things to head in a certain direction, so I want to be perfect for him in the next few weeks until everything's a little more solid. (I know... I'm probably sounding pathetic here, but I can't help it!)

B got back from the Philippines today. We already got in a fight on the phone. He's jet-lagged and I'm hyper-emotional. Not a good combination. I think it's because we have a long-term issue that we need to work out and it seems to keep rearing its head. He has had a girlfriend since November whom I've never met, and whom I don't want to meet. Because of that, he feels like he has to "sneak around" to see me, because he can't explain to her why I won't meet her. I told him to tell her the truth. He knows why I don't want to meet her (which is a long story), and I think that it's up to him to iron out his relationship with her and not make it my problem. Anyway, I think that's what was underpinning our fight this afternoon, but all my shit with B-- that's another topic for another day.

I've got plans to meet my friend NV tonight at 11:00. As I drank so much last night, I don't really want to make it a drinking night today, but we'll see how it goes. Then I've got NDN's sushi party tomorrow and another party on Saturday. I really need to get to work already though. I've been lazing around indulgently all week and it's starting to go to my head.


Well, that's all for now!

Lol,
Hyde

*If you're interested in learning a little more about mate, here's a link: http://www.ecs.soton.ac.uk/~jca/mate.htm