I'm getting angry, but I don't know how to nurture it and let it happen. I was sick again this morning-- the first time I've thrown up over Narc-feelings in a long time. Only, this time I wasn't throwing up because I feel powerless and out of control. It's because I feel angry.
I really hope you remember in the morning the disrespectful things you say to me. Unbelievable! I wrote to him last night.
That was after he flaked on my dinner party because he was too "depressed" to socialize, called me at 3:00 am wasted, called me a moron, cursed at me, demanded I get in a cab to come and see him, and hung up on me after a string of "fuck you's."
I don't know how to feel what I need to feel. I want to let it happen, but I'm short circuiting and it won't.
In any case, aside from Narc's antics, my dinner party was a smash. I'll tell you all about it soon. Today I'm off to see I Puritani with Meema.
I hate him. And I hate myself too.
I wish I could just hate him.
I wish I could really get angry.
2 comments:
I hope your wishes come true.
Never hate yourself. You are making great strides.
Enjoy this beautiful day!
Perhaps you need a break. Maybe you should not talk to him for three whole days. No texting, phone calls, house calls, etc. Would you be able to do it? Who cares if he could. But, would you be able to do it? Three whole days would be making a statement. Maybe he would stop and take a moment to think about how he treats you. Time heals all wounds sweetie. You are going to be okay.
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