Okay... so, I did something about it. I sent him an email. I feel nervous, but I did it. Here's what I wrote:
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Narc,
Because I don't know if you remember...
Last night, after being "too depressed" to come to my dinner party, you called me just after 3:00 am and you were wasted. You said that there were police nearby and that you had to move or else you would be "arrested." I was confused and concerned and asked you what was going on, but you never explained. Instead, you told me that you got to a park in Tribeca and were sitting on a bench. I asked you if you were safe and you ignored the question.
I asked you what you had been doing.
"Thinking about that I didn't come to your party," you said, refusing to be any more specific than that.
I asked you why you didn't come.
"Because of you and me," you said.
I asked you what you meant. It was hard to get a coherent answer, but from what I was able to understand, you said something about not wanting to come because "there is NO you and me."
Immediately after that, you demanded that I get into a cab to come see you.
"Why would I do that?" I asked.
Each and every time I tried to speak, you interrupted me and said "fuck you." You called me a "moron" and a "wanker" and cursed at me repeatedly.
I could hardly get a word in through your barage of insults. Finally, you decided you had enough.
"You know where I live," you said. "If you want to come down here, get in a cab and come. I'm done. I'm DONE!"
And with that, you hung up on me.
So, basically-- you skipped out on my party, woke me up in the middle of the night, insulted and belittled me and then demanded I get out of bed and come to see you. And then, when I wouldn't, you hung up on me! WHAT the FUCK?
I understand that you were drunk, but I can't accept being treated with that kind of disrespect anymore. I don't deserve it. I feel bad for you, Narc. But I don't confuse pity with love anymore. I have tried to be a good friend to you and to be there for you the best I can in spite of my confused feelings and despite the fact that it eats away at my self esteem. I don't feel like you value me at all as a friend or as a human being. I'm tired of seeing myself as a worthless human being when reflected back in your eyes.
Do you remember Thursday night? You said that you love me. I don't know if you meant that, or if you just like to hear yourself say it. But, every time you get drunk you either tell me that you love me profusely or you call me names and curse at me and insult me. It's exhausting.
I wanted to have a nice evening last night. I worked really hard on the dinner and I was looking forward to you being there. I wanted to wake up today feeling good about it. Instead, I woke up this morning feeling sick and sad and angry and tired.
I don't deserve to be treated like that. I don't deserve it. So, stop it.
I DON'T DESERVE THIS.
hyde
3 comments:
Good for you. I can't help but read this and think about a similar situation I was in this past year. This guy was my best friend, didn't drink, but had the "asshole" personality. He now has a girlfriend who is drop-dead gorgeous and I don't think he even remembers who I am. It totally sucks because I fell in love with him. When I found out he had a girlfriend, I cried for a whole day. The words you use to describe it all just brings back memories for me.
You do deserve better. I just don't know if Narc realizes that.
If you weren't in NY, I would think that you and I were involved with the same person. Good for you for standing up for yourself. Just remember that regardless of how he reacts, you are right - you do deserve to be treated better.
Excellent! You said what you needed to say, and you said it succinctly. I know that this was incredibly difficult for you to do and you might well be agonizing about it now, but I hope you feel proud of yourself, too. You did a beautiful thing for yourself! *hug*
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