He called me while I was on my way back from the opera.
"So, I got your email," he said.
"Yeah..."
"And, I have to tell you-- I don't even remember calling you. I must have drunk dialed again."
"Yeah."
"And, well, I don't remember saying that stuff. You know how it is..."
"Yeah. That's why I wrote you an email with the play by play."
"I went out with Ethan last night," he explained. "He came by to pull me out of my torpor. And then I ended up downing three bottles of champagne. You know... it was the champagne talking, so..."
There was a considerable pause.
"Is that all you have to say?" I asked, accusingly.
"I wasn't finished," he snapped back.
"So...?"
"What is this?" he asked. "Do you have some list of checkpoints that I have to get through?"
He was clearly angry with me now.
"You've got your whole list of things you're waiting to hear?"
"No, Narc. I only want to hear one thing."
"Well, I am sorry, Hyde, okay?" There was still an accusing edge in his voice. "What do you want from me? It was the champagne. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. It didn't mean anything."
Nothing ever means anything with you, I wanted to say, but I didn't.
"Is that enough for you?" he went on. "It's just the alcohol. It's no big deal. Or does your cult tell you otherwise?"
"Narc, why are you attacking me?!? Don't I have the right to be hurt? I'm hurt. That's all."
"Yes, you have the right," he muttered.
"So... How was your dinner party?" he asked, with a change of tone.
"Fine. Although, I wish you were there."
"I wish I could have been there too," he said. "I wish I could have come, but I just wasn't up to it."
I felt myself losing it-- about to cry or about to twist myself in knots in order to give in to his logic.
"I can't talk about this right now, Narc."
"What's that?"
"I said-- I can't talk right now. I have to go."
"Okay. Well, give me a call later," he said.
"Fine. Bye."
"Bye."
And that was that.
I feel numb and sick at the same time.
-h-
9 comments:
But you didn't give in and play his game, and that's a good thing.
Oh he's a bloody wanker.
I do hope you don't let him off the hook for his abhorrent behaviour.
I'm impressed with how you've dealt with it so far.
You are stronger than I am. I would have started to ignore him a long time ago. I would have believed in myself and said that he isn't worth it. I would not be able to put up with all of his excuses, his apologies, and his accusing tone. You are obviously not the bad guy here, and though he may not be a bad guy, it seems to me that he does this to you because he knows he can. You have got to put a stop to this.
Okay, I'm off of my tangent now. Sorry. I just don't like seeing people getting dragged through the mud face first. You show so much strength and I feel bad that you are hurting because of Narc. Keep your chin up girlie.
Yes, you do have a checkpoint he has to get through...it's one called Respect. I'm glad to see that you've started to realize that it's there and are pointing it out to him.
I'm sorry that you had to start off the New Year with this crap Hyde. If there is any way to have him drop shipped over to Crapsville in England for one of Flash's reeducation camps and pixie torture, please let me know where I could send a donation.
"Oh he's a bloody wanker".
I couldn't have said it any better myself. Good luck with this, and stay strong.
You'll never find it if you don't know what you're looking for.
Mr Mystic
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It may have been the champagne talking, but he was the one who decided to drink three bottles of it. And it's not like this is the first time he's acted outrageously and cited the booze as the culprit. So his excuse is a poor excuse of an excuse.
And what does your being in a "cult" have do with anything?
Please move on, please stop allowing yourself to be treated this way. There are a million people that are out there for you. You deserve better!
There comes a time when we all must take one big step forward....
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