Happy New Year!

I'm going out to BigSis and Bro-in-Law's apartment tonight to celebrate Rosh Hashana. But first, they asked me to pick up a cake from a bakery down in Tribeca... on Narc's street! But I'll get to that in a minute...

Thursday was a rough day for me, feeling like my friendship with Brick was over. I was also still reeling from this week's encounter with Narc. After I taught my class, I sent Narc an email:


Hey,


Did you hear about The Tristan Project? Wagner and Bill Viola together at last and coming to NY! It's like a dream come true. Too bad I can't afford it...


(The death of Isolde... does it get any better?)


Anyway, I better get back to work... About to teach about the Congress of Vienna.


:)


love,
Hyde

ArtNet.com

After that, I went to an AA meeting and had a nice chat with Meema. Afterwards, I called BigSis (again!) and we talked for a while. Then I called Bezoukhoff and he met me for dinner. We came back to my place after dinner and ate ice cream and watched House. So, it was okay.

I was scared to go to group on Friday and see Brick. He hadn't answered my text. Brick has always told me that he has a really mean streak, and I was afraid he was going to be mean to me. When I got there, he was already there. He looked at me, I looked at him, and we both smiled. I felt less horrible about everything right away. I asked if he got my text.

"No, I never got it," he said. "But I read your blog this morning and saw it there!"

"Oh... Well, I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry I came down so hard on you."

"Okay."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yeah."

So, that was that. After group, though, he left without saying goodbye.

I went over to Hammer's place to hang out with Jimmy (her bird) and work on my fourth step. I talked to B on the phone for a while and ate some Haribo gummi worms. (Yum!)

I was wiped out beyond belief that night, but had to stop by the bakery to pick up the cake to bring to my sister's. Still thinking of Narc, I sent him a text, asking him if he knew where the bakery was.

Looking at my watch, though, I realized that I no longer had enough time to get the cake, make it home, change my clothes and get to services in time. So, I headed straight home.

Back at my place, I don't know what got into me... I suddenly grew very lethargic and just wanted to go to sleep. So, that's what I did. I went to bed at around 9:30 pm. I was really very anxious though, and I couldn't pin point why. I couldn't get the anxiety to stop. I had made a committment to turn off my phone at night to avoid possible Narc temptations, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't breathe until I put the phone back on. So, I did. Then I took a Lunesta. Before long, I was out like a light.

I woke up this morning to the phone ringing. It was BigSis asking about the cake. I told her I still had to go get it. There was a possibility that I would be getting lunch with Dan today, but he texted me saying that he didn't feel well. So... What did Hyde do? Yeah, I'm sure you guessed it... I sent Narc another text:

Hey, I'm going to be in your neighborhood around 1:00 or 2:00 to pick up that cake. Wanna get lunch? Or is there a reason you didn't answer my text yesterday?

Oh, Hyde! What are you doing???

I shouldn't have slept with him. He's back in my blood. Maybe he'll keep his distance though until the knots in my stomach have another chance to untangle.

I'm looking forward to seeing my family tonight either way. I'm feeling closer to them than ever before, and it's an amazing thing.

So... things aren't perfect. But it's another New Year. Last year, at this time, I swore off drinking. I said that it was going to be the year when I would quit. By December, January, February, March... things looked dismal. But I did it. I did quit this year. And now I've got another New Year ahead.

Who knows what the future brings... It's kind of a beautiful thing.

love,

Hyde