Odds and Ends

Hmmm... Once again, I have been remiss in my blogging and have nearly a whole week's worth of events to catch up on! Right now, Brick is asleep on my couch. Today is my four-month sobriety anniversary and he arrived here this afternoon with pizza and chocolate chip cookies. I couldn't sleep all night last night, though, and feel like my body clock is a little thrown off. Anyway, here's at least the first part of the week. The rest is soon to come...

Last Sunday I attended my first Sunday night meeting held by my home group. The meeting had a rather strange format of random people being called up to give their ideas on a given topic. I bumped into that rather strange woman, Cassie at the door. She was a "greeter." Earlier in the week, I had called a new member of my home group-- a girl named Vega-- and we had agreed to meet at that Sunday night meeting, so I ended up sitting with her. I introduced myself to a few new people that night as well and exchanged phone numbers. It was a very social meeting. I have to say-- It seemed as if everyone already knew each other and as if everyone were entirely comfortable. I was not. In fact, I felt really awkward and somehow now "as good" as everyone else. I wished there were some cocktails to ease it all. How ridiculous is that? Wanting cocktails to facilitate socialization at an AA meeting!

Anyway, after the meeting, Cassie approached me. We waited on line together to thank the speaker. As we headed out, she seemed distressed.

"What's wrong with me?" she moaned. Then she proceeded to tell me that she "needed a man." She wanted to walk me home.

As we walked, she began to tell me a story about a man currently in her life. This man, she explained, was once married to her daughter and then to her sister. Now he's married to someone "outside the family."

"What?!?! How old is your daughter?" I asked.

"Oh, well, she's 45. But she's not my biological daughter. She's a spiritual daughter from a former life."

Um, okay...

When we reached my street corner, she told me that she has a "mothering spirit" and that she always finds her daughters in this world. I have to say-- I felt really uncomfortable. Underneath this all was the overwhelming vibe that she was hitting on me. She said we should call each other every day. The hug she gave me was too tight and too long. I was glad to part ways.

That night, I came home and sat down to blog. It's then that I got that text from Narc that interrupted my writing. Here's the whole conversation:


Narc: Just dropped off the first EVER finished final draft of "Oceans of Light"!! Going to celebrate with a drink on my own at the Patriot. Dear, dear me...

Hyde: I'm proud of you! Very. It must feel so good!!! Would love to read it sometime. :)

Narc: Will have to give you a copy. Can't believe it's done... Now I just have to make the thing...!

Hyde: Yes, but your life as a hermit is over. And great things are coming. Congrats. How's the good ol' Patriot anyway?

Narc: Dear God no one should ever come here sober. Dante would kill himself just to get to hell and away from here!

Hyde: Well, drink up then, I suppose! At least I loved the jukebox. I know it gets stale, but I miss those days.

Narc: Having my token SINGLE Jack and Coke, then I'm outta here...

Hyde: K. Well, have a good night. You've earned it! I've been a total insomniac. School is great. Very busy & very tired. But life is good. And I'm happy for you! :)

Narc: Can send you a digital copy of the script if you promise to print it out (at school?) before reading it!

Hyde: Yes, I promise, I promise! Will be at school on Tues afternoon. Just send it in a program I can open...

Afterwards, I felt awful. I did the wrong thing by myself. Why was I so sickeningly sweet? Why do I still want to hold on to him? Why am I willing to maintain a connection at any cost to myself? I felt like a piece of trash. That night, I went to bed and couldn't sleep much. I thought of Hammer. She was at the wedding of "Zilla" to her brother in Atlanta. (She has since sent me pictures, but we've yet to gossip about the whole thing!)

The next morning I woke up and cleaned my house. While I was cleaning, Brick called and said he was back in the city. I missed him so much! I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. It was sparkling by the time Liu and the Cowboy rang my bell at 2:00 pm. Like I said-- I hadn't seen Liu since December, 2004, and it was wonderful to see her again! Somehow, whenever I'm with her, it feels like no time has passed at all. And I was thrilled to finally meet the Cowboy! He is such a nice guy and a complete gentleman. Liu has found herself a winner. I'm so glad for her but I wish they lived closer!

The three of us headed to a diner for lunch where Liu at her long awaited eggs benedict. After that, we walked over to the Empire State building, passing the comic book store on the way. All I have to say about the Empire State building is "LINES." That was the afternoon-- lines, lines and more lines! The view was incredible, but it made for a long afternoon.

From there we walked down to Madison Square Park. We all had to pee and my rehab center is nearby, so we went there. Then we met up with Brick in the park. He brought Lucy and we all took her to the dog run. After introductions and a few cigarettes, we were all exhausted. So Liu, the Cowboy and I headed back to my place for Chinese food. The plan was to meet up with Brick later in the West Village, to make the rounds at some piano bars.

Once back at my place, NDN stopped by and met Liu and the Cowboy. He hung out with us for a little while and caught me up on his weekend in East Hampton while Liu and the Cowboy were checking out the roof. Then NDN went home. Liu and I played some piano and sang some duets. Brick called and said he wanted to cancel our plans, but later he changed his mind. On second thought, he "needed his Dorothy!" and asked if he could stay over with me that night. Of course, I was thrilled. I love being needed and I missed Brick, myself!

Our first stop was Rose's Turn (where I did my cabaret in May). The waitstaff there all sings and they were all amazing. Some guy in the audience got up and sang a crazy rendition of Georgia On My Mind. I sang a bunch of songs-- some Patsy Cline and some Broadway. We downed an ocean of diet coke. While we were there, I slyly sent Narc a text. It must have been nearly 1:00 am.

Will be at school tomorrow. Send your script! I wrote.

The Cowboy noticed.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Wow! You're observant," I said.

Like I said-- he's very sweet! I already have a fond place in my heart for him.

Then we headed to Marie's. As soon as we walked in, I saw that it was the obnoxious pianist who had harassed Narc back in May. He was hitting on Brick and the Cowboy big time. I can't stand that guy. It's hard to characterize him with anything but the word "obnoxious." Eventually, his sexual harassment Denial for us and then he played If I Loved You for me and People Will Say We're in Love for Liu.

Finally, with all of us exhausted and the boys sick of being objectified, we headed out. Brick and I dropped Liu and the Cowboy off in a cab and continued back to my place. Once there, he applied for a few jobs online (with my help filling out the forms) and then we smoked and "talked shop." We're both still struggling, but I think that we're both going to make it. I'm a little worried about him though and I really hope he can get the kind of momentum I've been feeling lately. I want him to come to more meetings with me.

Anyway, Brick and I got into bed around 3:00 am and watched Law & Order: Criminal Intent. We were asleep by 4:00.

At 5:00 or 6:00 am, Brick woke me up because he heard Mr. Rochester and was afraid. I had to climb out of bed and put Rochester in the living room.

On Tuesday morning, Brick left bright and early to go home and walk Lucy. I took it easy before heading out for my day-- a doctor's appointment, teaching, a home-group meeting and then therapy. It was a long day.

On Wednesday, I got up to teach early in the morning. That afternoon was interesting-- it involved an off the cuff AA meeting followed by a spiritual experience. But you'll have to wait for me to finish with the "catch up." Something's in the air, and I just can't seem to shake this afternoon's exhaustion. So, I think I'll go rest.

Hope you're all enjoying the weekend!

love,
h