Would you believe it! After three months of wasting my time, I am officially back to work! I just finished teaching my first class. (I let them out early. After all, it is the first day.) This morning I woke up at 6:45 am and I left myself SO much time to get ready. I showered, dried my hair, did my makeup, checked the blogs, checked my email, and wasted a lot of time. By the time I went to get dressed, I was crazy frustrated because I couldn't find anything to wear. I tried on a million things and threw them all on the floor. (I'm sure every girl knows what I'm talking about!) My entire summer wardrobe consists of ratty jeans and t-shirts or inappropriately low-cut tops. I tried on a million things, and as the clock ticked on, would you believe it? I found myself running late. Finally I decided to fuck the whole project. I put on boots and a long sleeved shirt and resigned myself to sweating my ass off today for the sake of fashion and appropriate attire.
I'm sitting in my office right now, having just finished editing a paper as a favor to Bezoukhoff. One more class to teach here, and then I'm off to school across town to take my own class. The thing that sucks is that I have to come back to the West Side later tonight to teach an evening class. Oh well. I'll survive.
I'm actually feeling really good about being back.
But there it is... Yes, it's still there... There's a gnawing crushed feeling that I haven't heard back yet from Narc. The wiser part of me knows that I need to let that whole thing die. I feel like it's a disease that has been eating away at me spiritually and hindering my productivity and happiness. I'm energized today. I'm determined to eat right, not drink so much and focus on school.
God, I hope this all sticks!
He's leaving one week from today. I think I'm going to feel an enormous sense of relief. I hope... (Once I'm over the sadness).
-h
1 comment:
Sounds like everything's headed in the right direction and that's all you can ask when beginning a new semester. Whatever happens, you should start off by feeling like you're in charge. If you hit a bump in the road (I've hit a few this first week) just remind yourself that you can't predict the future so you can't anticipate every problem. Take things one step at a time and don't get down on yourself, no matter what! Every problem has a solution! Give 110%!!!
OK, I'm out of cliches. You get the idea. Good luck and best wishes, as always.
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