I feel like today is a whole lot of waiting.
First of all, I'm waiting for tomorrow. I spent the first half of the day running off photocopies and piecing together new syllabi, articles and paper assignments for the first day of classes tomorrow. I stood there waiting at the photocopy machine for nearly two hours, stapling and slicing my fingers on endless reams of white paper.
Second of all, I'm waiting to see Hammer again. She did the drive up from D.C. this afternoon and I'm glad she's back in the city. She called me a few times from the road. I just pictured a little car on a road-map winding its way towards New York City.
Third of all, I'm waiting to hear back from Narc. I know it's rather pathetic, but I sent him an e-mail last night telling him how much he hurt me and that I don't understand how he could do and say what he did. Is he going to write back and apologize? Is he going to call me drunk? Or is he simply going to take off for Europe next Tuesday without another word for me? I know I shouldn't care, and I know I shouldn't want him to call me, but I'm pretty conflicted on that one. A good part of me does...
I went to get a pedicure (and waxing) today, and I spent a good chunk of time waiting for the nailpolish to dry. VJ called me while I was waiting. She seems to be doing okay in Miami, although her new car got flooded by Hurricane Katrina.
It's 5:30 now and I'm waiting to hear from B about whether or not we're on for dinner.
Oh, and I'm waiting for BarMan to go on duty at 7:00. I figured I'd run over there for an hour, as I don't expect B until 8:30 or so.
I'm nervous about tomorrow. I don't know why. Letting go of the summer feels, in a way, like letting go of a piece of my life. Especially because of the way this summer began and what I shared with Narc... I still haven't gotten over that loss, and I wonder if I ever will. I hate what he said to me on Thursday about that. Why am I so damn sensitive?
Anyway, Dr. Phil is on, and of all of my addictions, I consider it one of the least harmful, so I'm off to watch...
Later!
-H-
2 comments:
You're not sensitive.
Anyone would be hurt by it all.
Stay strong!
Do your best not to worry about his reply. At this point, what does it matter? Let's say he actually is sorry (for a change). Would that make everything better? No. Similarly, if he ignores you, then try not to feel hurt.
What I'm saying is, given all that has happened, his reply is meaningless. Either way you seem resolved to end this "relationship" and I agree whole-heartedly. I'd worry more about the shirt than him.
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