Travel Diaries: The Prologue

Road trip!

What can I say? It was a blast, as road trips should be. We left on Thursday after group, and a rather stressful morning. Well... to put Thursday in it's right context, I should probably first say a word or two about Wednesday night... or maybe Tuesday afternoon. Okay, okay... Well, I swore I wouldn't backtrack an entire week here, but I guess I'll begin on Tuesday afternoon.

Brick and left group early on Tuesday. We hate the "relaxation" exercises that occupy the second half of our session. It's a waste, and I think that the "therapist" is pompous. So, instead we headed to Williamsburg to a thrift store called "Beacon's Closet." Brick happens to be "in the know" when it comes to fashion, and he swore it was a better place to stock up on summer T-shirts than Old Navy, as had been my plan. He was right. I ended up with three shirts (one quoting Zarathustra in Italian and one with the image of Dolly) and I also got a head scarf. Brick snagged a couple of great shirts himself. The only caveat? I forgot I had a telephone appointment with my therapist (who's in Switzerland for the summer) at 2:00 pm. It had completely slipped my mind, and when I got home, there was a rather disturbing message from her waiting for me on my machine.

I don't feel like transcribing her message, but it basically said something approximating the following:

Hyde, I've been waiting here for an hour for you to call. There isn't any excuse I can accept at this point. And I'm not even angry or frustrated. I'm just very disappointed. And I don't know if I can do this anymore. That's all. Bye.

Well, needless to say, I was upset. But I decided not to deal with it just then. Instead, I just wrote her an email apologizing for the mixup and saying "sorry that I disappointed her."

Later in the day, we went back to Brick's place and I stopped in at Barnes & Noble in Chelsea to get a guide book to Shenandoah and the Smoky Mountains and a road map of the Southeast.

Oh yeah, and on Tuesday night, I sent Narc a text:

Driving to TN this weekend! Leaving Thurs. I wanna get a cowboy hat to go with my Reds. Will miss you though. Is your TV in yet? How's the work coming?

I was sure I wouldn't hear back from him.

Wednesday:

On Wednesday, Brick and I went back to group. Then we parted ways. I had lunch plans with B. B and I met in the park near group and Brick came with me so that I could finally give the two of them a proper introduction. Both of them confided in me that they were nervous about meeting the other. After that, B and I had Indian food for lunch and then headed back into Midtown. We took a walk over to the Catholic Church in Dag Hammarskjold Plaza and sat inside for a while. Then we came back to my place and sang. I was in an emotionally strange place because my mom was coming into the city to visit the rehab with me. We were meeting with our group counselor in a one-on-one. My mom and I also had a lot to discuss regarding my finances-- something I was not really looking forward to.

At around 4:00, she pulled up to my building. I said goodbye to B and headed to the meeting with her. I really don't want to go into what came up, or what was discussed, as I don't think I'm ready to sort through all of that, and I don't want to dip into it here without giving it the attention it deserves, but the bottom line is that I was left with a million and one new feelings. I was quite unsettled. We had dinner after the meeting and then my mom drove me home. I found myself angry and scared and overwhelmed and crying a lot.

As I was on my way in, I called Narc. He had been texting me earlier in the evening while I was with my mom.

N: Am playing greatest WWII game ever!!

H: Am meeting with my mom on money matters. Yuck. Will call later...

N: Ugh indeed! Call later...

Later that night, I got another text from him: Ooh la la! "So You Think You Can Dance" in Hi Def!!

When I called him, he didn't pick up, so I left a message. I told him that I was shaken up from everything with my mom. I basically just left a real message-- an honest message... no posturing. And afterwards, I felt strange.

Brick met me at my place at around 10:00 pm. We still had a lot to get together for our trip. I started to pack. The plan was for me to pack and then to go sleep at his place. I couldn't get my stuff together quick enough though, and I was stressed. We decided to sleep apart for only the second time in over a month. I knew it wasn't going to be easy for me to get to sleep, and it wasn't. But that's okay-- it gave me time to make three mix-CD's for the road!

The next morning, I had to rush. I wanted to bring my bags over to Brick's place and to head to group from there. But I had to stop in Duane Reade first to pick up a prescription. I was ready to KILL them when I was there by 8:30, and the pharmacy was still closed "because the pharmacist was late," as some dull-eyed cashier explained it to me. I rushed over to Brick's anyway. I would have to make another trip back to my neighborhood after group for my medication.

Group was pretty standard, except for the fact that Religrope told me and Brick that he's jealous of our friendship and that he wants to be close to us too. He asked if we wanted to go to Great Adventure with him.

"Brick and I could win you a stuffed monkey!" he exclaimed, jabbing me in the leg. "You know-- the kind that velcro's around your neck!"'

"Yeah, that would be nice," I awkwardly smiled.

After group, I went on my mad rush to get my medicine and get back to Brick at Penn Station by 2:00. Thankfully, this time the pharmacy was open. I also stocked up on some Red Bull and Haribo cherries for the road. Brick is a Red Bull junkie, just like me!

While I was in the cab on the way to Penn Station, I called Narc. I asked him what he was doing for the holiday. I told him that Brick and I were going over to Hammer's roof to watch the fireworks, and that he was welcome to come.

"No, I think I'm going up to some friends in Dobb's Ferry," he said.

I started to tell him a little bit about the meeting the previous day with my mom. I also told him about the issue that I'm having with my therapist. He was really supportive about it and told me about a similar issue he was having with his therapist. It was a really good conversation. I felt like for once I was being entirely myself, and he was being normal! And we were talking for real. I was elated when we hung up the phone. I felt really good. Good at my core. I liked it. I like it again now thinking about it. Yay!

In the meanwhile, Brick was frantically calling me and I was stuck in traffic in a cab. I got out of the cab and jogged the remaining block to Penn Station. Brick quickly ushered me into the train station and onto the train. His mom had agreed to pick us up in NJ and take us to his sister's place where Brick keeps his Jeep Wrangler.

Once we met his mom, there were some road closures and she was a little distressed about how to get home. Finally, she found it though. Brick and I loaded up the car and headed for our first pit stop-- getting the oil changed. While we waited for the car, we ate some Burger King. Spicy chicken, to be exact. And then we were off!

To be continued...