The Weekend of the Moms (and more)

Okay... I know I just put a post up today, but I'm going to have to back it up a bit in order to tell you all what I did over the weekend...

I think I left off on Saturday morning. Brick and I had been out until all hours the night before. He was depressed at the sighting of his ex-boyfriend. So, on Saturday morning he went online looking for a hookup. And a hookup he found. Thus, he was gone when my mom arrived in the early afternoon. She was eager to show me several things she had brought with her, including an article about Rufus Wainwright's "Judy Garland" show at Carnegie Hall and a book about the connection between alcoholism and blood sugar problems.

Brick returned soon enough and we all set about our task-- getting my apartment into some kind of order! We began by getting all of the clothes that don't fit me out of the closet and throwing out the most egregious offenders of my collection of clutter (such as a huge hoop skirt/petticoat). The amounts of cat hair that had managed to accumulate in the darkest recesses of my closet was really quite phenomenal!

My mom and Brick seemed to get along well. She drilled him with her usual questions about his family, education and interests. As for him, he said her first name is his favorite name, and he later told me that she would make a great "gay icon." I think my mom liked that.

We worked long and hard all day long, capping the afternoon by hanging some pictures that had been leaning against the wall for far too long and finally putting up a green chandelier that I bought in Quebec a few years ago. Unfortunately, we couldn't do dinner with my mom, as Brick and I had a Saturday night commitment as greeters at an Upper West Side meeting. We had to leave my mom with piles of clutter and crap on the curb, under the watchful eye of the doorman while she went to get the car. Brick and I scurried into a cab, hoping not to be late. Neither of us was much in the mood to attend this meeting. I hadn't really been feeling it since I hit my 30 day mark and I have to say-- I've been feeling a little "out of sync" with the whole AA thing. Brick was also feeling resentful about having to be there. I guess it's safe to say that for both of us, "the honeymoon" was over.

I shared a little about all of that during the meeting, and so immediately afterwards, a handful of women came up to me to give me their phone numbers and to encourage me to keep making meetings. ("Meeting makers make it!" as Brick likes to say. Damn! Those AA phrases are catchy!) While I was talking to the women, Brick had gone outside for a smoke. But when I exited onto the street, I couldn't find him anywhere!

I walked up a few blocks and scanned through the crowds. He was nowhere to be seen. So I tried calling him. I was relieved when he picked up the phone, but he sounded really upset. He told me that he had called a few other people already to talk it through. I asked him where he was, and we eventually found each other on he street. I gave him a big hug and we talked things out while we walked to 78th street for dinner. We had plans to meet Hammer at La Caridad-- a Chino-Latino joint with huge portions for little cost.

By the time we got there, Brick and I were laughing again-- at ourselves, at the absolute surreal strangeness of our lives right now, at the fact that we spend every hour of our day with addicts... and with each other! Then we sat down to eat.

Soon enough, Hammer arrived. She was very cute. She knows that Brick is a fashion stylist, so she carefully chose what to wear to our dinner. Brick and I feasted on some delicious chicharrones de pollo while Hammer at some asopado that unfortunately tasted like armpit sweat. The conversation? Boys and sex...sex and boys! (What better topic is there?) It felt good to be talking about something lighthearted-- something other than "issues" for once. Hammer had a new suitor she had to tell us about, and of course, she needed to update us on her latest comings and goings with Tad.

After dinner, we waffled about what to do. Brick and I have been planning to try out an S&M club not far from his place (alcohol free, of course!) and we contemplated going there that night. But wherever our ultimate destination, I needed to stop home first. The plan was to stay at Brick's apartment that night and I needed to pick up a few things.

When we got back to my house, I led Hammer into the bedroom to show her the new wall hangings. As I had just reorganized most of my costume stuff, I pulled that out as well. Brick lit the candles in the two candelabras on my dresser, and the three of us had fun, trying on different wigs and dancing around the room to show tunes. (I don't know if any of you guys remember my friend WigGuy from last summer, but he made another appearance, albeit in a different incarnation). I wore a Marie Antoinette wig and then a bob cut. I gave Hammer dramatic makeup and a choker and she put on my high boots and fishnet gloves-- a perfect outfit for the S&M club!

So, that's what we did Saturday night-- we hung out dancing around my house, taking lots of pictures and playing dress up. And it was a lot of fun. At around 1:30 am, Brick fell asleep on my bed. I was pretty tired myself, as Brick and I had been out until all hours the night before. So, Hammer took off, and I headed to bed myself.

The next morning, Brick and I woke up still exhausted. We had originally planned to go to his nephew's birthday party out in NJ, but Brick wasn't feeling up to it. So, for once, we parted ways. He went back to his place, and I lounged around a little, being lazy. Then, at 10:45 or so, I got a call from Brick.

"Hyde, I think I'm going to go to that party after all."

"You are?"

"Yeah. Do you still want to come?"

"Well, okay! Let me just throw some clothes on."

I got ready as fast as I could. While I was doing that, NDN stopped by for some early morning chit chat. We both ate a piece of the leftover cherry cheese cake before he walked me to the corner to hail a cab. There I saw FightingMensch and some new girl of the moment. He was wearing a pink shirt and white pants.

"What's the story, Hyde?" he asked me.

"Not much," I said. "Just sober now... 34 days..."

"Wow. I think I had three days last week," he said. "That is if you don't count the Jameson! Jameson is just medicine!"

Yeah, the same way I call cocaine "medicine," I thought.

I got in a cab and headed to Penn Station to meet Brick.

We took the train out to Jersey. He bumped into an old acquaintance-- a girl he used to go horseback riding with. She had bulging blue eyes and Brick told me that she used to whip her horse very fast. When we got there, his sister picked us up. (Brick has three older sisters-- lucky boy!). His sister is very friendly and very sweet. She drove us to the ice rink where the party was being held. There, I also got to meet his eldest sister and his brother in law. Brick's nephew turned six, and already is an amazing skater! He had invited his kindergarten class and his hockey team. It was very cute. Brick's niece was equally adorable on the ice. As for me and Brick? We didn't get into skates, but instead stayed on the sidelines talking to the moms.

After the kids came off the ice, everyone moved into a "party room" in the rink. Brick somehow got the job of being the ice cream scooper on the "make your own sundae" line. It was madness.

When the party was over (at around 3:00 pm), Brick's eldest sister drove us back to the house where he grew up-- where she still lives with her husband and three kids. There I got to meet Brick's mom and his youngest nephew who is only one year old! The house was absolutely beautiful, sitting on a huge piece of land. There's even a golf course in the backyard! Brick told me about when he used to have ponies growing up.

"If only we still had them," he said, "we could go trail riding on the property."

It was really nice to see where he's come from. It was a peaceful place.

Soon enough, we moved into the living room to watch his nephew open birthday gifts and then Brick asked his mom if she wouldn't mind driving us to Target. He wanted to get "method" hand and dish soap, among other things. His mom agreed. I didn't get much there-- just a few small items. On the way back to the house, Brick asked me to sing for his mom in the car. I agreed, although my voice was an absolute wreck. I've been smoking a lot more and had been hoarse all week. I think that the Friday night at the piano bar just about killed me because I pushed out and used whatever was left. So, even though Brick and his mom said I sounded beautiful, I certainly didn't feel my best. (Thank god, my voice is steadily returning...)

After that, Brick's mom went home. His eldest sister and brother in law and the kids were out at KFC, while his other sister joined us on the back porch for a cigarette and some tortilla chips. (Brick has one more sister--all of them are older. She was out in Montana for the weekend.) We just hung out and talked for a while. It was nice. Then Brick got the idea that he wanted to head down into the basement to go through some old things, to see if there was anything he wanted to take back for his apartment.

Once down there, he found a whole variety of treasures, including travel journals from years past, and letters that his mom wrote to him while he was in boarding school. We also found a lot of old photos. It was pretty emotional for him to go through some of that stuff, and when he shared it with me, I felt like I got to know him a lot better.

After that, we went back upstairs, as the rest of the family had come home. We hung out for a while longer, and played with his niece for a little bit, and then his sister drove us back to the train. Brick is like me, and hates public transportation, but we had no other way of getting back to the city. While we were on the train we saw a hot guy who looked like He-Man.

Once back in NY, we walked down to Brick's neighborhood. I stopped and got some takeout sushi and ate it at his apartment while he and I and his roommate watched the season premier of Entourage. During the show, Narc texted me that he had sold his TV and that I would have to record the show for him. When the episode ended, Brick and I took off for my place. By that time it was late, we were tired, and we were ready for bed.

On Monday, we set off for another jolly day of group therapy. Afterwards, I met B for lunch at a diner not far from my house. I miss hanging out with him. He told me that Drippy had asked when I was going to come have dinner at their new place. Typical that she wants to invite me over there now! So she can assert the fact that they are living together! Whatever... I have too much emotional shit on my plate and I'm not up for it right now. I told him so.

For the rest of the afternoon, I just vegetated at home. I called Narc and left a message "just saying hi." He sent me a text:

Out sailing, friend's 40 foot yacht. Going up Hudson. Amazing!

I wrote back:
Wow. I forgot you said you were doing that! I'm so jealous! I'm glad you got beautiful weather today. Enjoy it! Give me a call when you get a chance. :)

Then I started having urges to go over and say hi to BarMan at Cheers.

I'll eat dinner there, I told myself. That should be okay.

I was on my way out the door when I got a phone call from Brick. He had just finished dinner with his mom.

"You saved me," I said. "I was just about to go to Cheers."

"What?!?! Hyde!"

"Don't worry... I wasn't going to drink. Just eat."

"Well, don't go," he said. "I'll be there in 10 minutes."

I hung up the phone with him and set off for Cheers anyway. I wanted to see BarMan.

BarMan was very interested in what I've been up to and how everything's been going.

"What do you even do with your time these days, Hyde?" he asked.

"I don't know... therapy...AA... and Brick, I guess!"

BarMan told me that he's been doing enough drinking to make up for the both of us.

(Reading back on how much I was drinking--especially this time last year, I really doubt that's possible!)

Anyway, Brick met me at the bar and I introduced him to BarMan for the second time. Then we went to pick up some take-out Chinese and ate it back at my place. After that, it was over to Brick's to chill out for the rest of the evening.

Tuesday morning was rather similar to Monday. After group I went up to 34th street to buy some jeans. I had a difficult conversation with my mom on the phone. Brick met me for some window shopping (and found me in tears due to the phone call) and then we went back to his place where he made us chicken and a salad for lunch. Then we took a walk to Bed, Bath & Beyond. Brick is determined to help me get my house in order, so he wanted me to buy some baskets to use as storage bins so that I could start reorganizing some of my stuff. We parted ways at around 3:30 when I taxied back to my place, baskets in tow. After that, I just regrouped for a little while and then met Dan for dinner (as I mentioned in the previous post). After dinner, it was back to Brick's for some late night chit chat, reading in bed and sleep.

And that takes us to today. (Holy shit! Will I actually be ALL CAUGHT UP with my blogging?!?) I spoke a lot in group today which left me feeling moody and unsettled afterwards. Like I already said, I joined Brick on his roof for a healthy lunch and then we walked over to his building management office to drop off a check before heading to my apartment. Once here, I set to work cleaning and sorting through papers while Brick chatted online.

Now it is dusk and I'm feeling sad. I took a break from writing this to read back a lot of posts from a year ago. The chaos is disarming. Why do I still miss Narc? I called him a few minutes ago. I called him and left a message on his machine. Brick and a college friend are going to be out playing pool later. He asked me if I wanted to join. I said "maybe." For now, I just want to eat dinner and take a shower. I just want to be with myself right now.

I'm tired.

I'm really fucking tired.

love,

h