So, back to my story...
When I got to Narc's on Wednesday night, he was really sweet to me. We bummed around for a while. He taught me how to play "Resident Evil," and showed me his short film that I had been asking about for a while. We watched some "I love the '90s" on VH1 and just had a cozy nice time. He sincerely apologized for the night before and told me that the UN woman was just someone he had gone out with a few times before breaking it off. I didn't ask about it. I mean, it's not like I had been committed to him either. A perfect night! I felt close to him all over again, but in a saner reality-based way. Since I got there at 1:00 am or so, we stayed up until 4:00 or 5:00.
What happened the next morning was truly bizarre!
At around noon, his doorman started buzzing up to the apartment. The buzzing just wouldn't stop. I asked if we should get the door, but he insisted that he wasn't expecting anyone and that we could just ignore it. After 15 minutes or so of buzzing we suddenly heard footsteps and voices in the living room. A moment later a group of policemen burst into the bedroom! I dove under the covers (being that I wasn't wearing anything), and Narc asked what they were doing there. It turns out that the UN woman had panicked after Narc never returned her angry phone call and imagined him dead in the apartment, eventually calling the police. The whole episode was so strange. Later when we finally got out of bed, she had sent him an email titled "You're pathetic!" in which she called him out for being a jerk to her and told him that the police had reported back to her that he was safe, but naked in bed with another girl. I don't blame her for being upset, but I was pretty embarassed by the incident and felt a little weird being in that position. I told him to write her back and apoligze, but he said that she had no business doing that and he didn't have anything to say to her. Also weird for me to have an inside view on the other end of his non-communication tactics.
I ended up staying the day before finally taking off around 9:00 or so. I was supposed to meet a friend at Cheers at 10:30 and had to shower and change first. Drinks with my friend was fun, but he wanted to head home around 1:00 am (part of the working world I guess). I, on the other hand, had slept all day and was just getting revved up for the night. There was a Pakistani man at the bar who IrishBird introduced me to. She told me that he's shy and has trouble talking to women and had just moved to NY and didn't know anyone. We started chatting and he said that he'd met me before. He seemed to know a lot about me, like what I was studying and where I lived. I thought it was strange b/c I really didn't remember him. Later he confessed that once we were both outside smoking and I was talking to another boy and he overheard all that stuff about me. I think it was the Billy-boy night. Anyway, we moved bars when Cheers closed (back to Manchester Pub where I met another nice bartender, Mave. Also, a guy named Phil was there both Tuesday and Thursday and we hung out for a while). We kept drinking and the Pakistani man started getting all formal romantic on me. He started saying things like "you are a very beautiful lady" and asked if I was available. I told him that I was not, but we talked more anyway. He walked me home and tried to kiss me and I said that I had to go. I was pretty drunk at that point--it was around 4:30 am. I ended up texting Narc to see if he was awake. As luck would have it, he was awake and drunk, just like me!
I hopped in a cab to go see him and once again had a really nice time with him. Skipping ahead, we slept in the next day until around 1:00 pm. Then we just bummed around again, being completely decadent. I felt like an old world aristocrat. We watched a lot of crap on TV, including parts of Bloodsport and Top Gun, ordered in food, and eventually when we could stand it no longer, tried to make a plan to go out. Yes, you heard correctly! A PLAN to GO OUT together... I feel so victorious. I also feel so pathetic that after 6 months of seeing him, I feel victorious over something so minor. Whatever... We went to a few places, starting with Waikiki Wally's where we shared a giant drink the size of a fish bowl with a flaming volcano in the middle. I had a good time just talking and getting to know each other better...stories about what we've been in the past and where we want to go from here, etc. Anyway, at one point in the night he told me that I was being "tacky" b/c I mentioned other guys too much. I was taken aback because I was treating him as a friend, being open with him, and didn't know I was supposed to be sensitive about it. In fact, I thought he would feel less threatened by my declarations of love last month if they were somehow contextualized. Because I was drunk and because I can't handle criticism from boys I let myself be vulnerable to, I got pretty upset and was trying to not cry. As B knows well, you can see my crys coming on from a mile away...I start to get a lip tremble thing as a warning. When Narc saw that, he tried to give me a hug. I protested and asked how I'm supposed to know how to act with him when I never know how he feels about me or about anything. He was incredulous. He asked how I could not know how he feels. I said that I just don't. He said that he can't say he loves me because he "doesn't know what that means" and it has all kind of loaded relationship subtext, but he stared me straight in the eye and took my hand and said "I adore you!" I just melted into a puddle on the floor. I don't think I've recovered yet. I am still floating on that one. Anyway, we kept drinking and hanging out until I was too wasted to remember details, went home and crashed around 5:00 am.
The next day we slept in pretty late. I couldn't believe it was Saturday but I was still in my Thursday clothes. I showered over there, but was cranky b/c I didn't have my hair products. We ended up once again wasting the day away in a hedonistic fog, watching TV, ordering take out, etc. His body language definitely has changed towards me in the past few days. He had become very affectionate in a sweet way and I was happy. I knew I had to leave though. Neither one of us had done a stitch of work since before we hooked up on Tuesday. He had those writing deadlines, and I have my incompletes. I kept making weak attempts to get up and get dressed, but he kept saying I should stay a little longer. This went on all the way until after SNL when at 1:00 am I got my stuff together. I tried to make myself semi-presentable so I could stop in at Cheers. It wasn't that easy to do without all of my schminken though.
The whole day long it had been snowing, and I had to head out into the blizzard. There were mounds of snow at every street corner and the city was silent. It felt magical to be outside just then. I had no trouble getting a cab, but realized that I didn't have my journal with me. ARGHHHHHHH!!!! Where was it? Where could I have left it? I called Narc in a panic. He took a look around and said it wasn't there. I tried calling the bars we had been to, but they were crowded and couldn't help me. I was flooded with anxiety, but there was nothing I could do. When I got uptown I went into Cheers. FightingMensch, Gambler and BulgarianGuy were playing blackjack. PumpedUp was bartending and BarMan was running Karaoke. Huh? Where was IrishBird? Something was definitely wrong. PumpedUp seemed in a good mood, but when I asked where IrishBird was he said flippantly, "why don't you call her tomorrow and find out?" I was slamming down the Jack Daniels, although I'm not sure why. PumpedUp was amazed and BulgarianGuy said I was drinking it as if it were tea. I need to stop..."New Year, New Me." Right? I'm going to try again this week. Anyway, I sang a few songs and hung out with BulgarianGuy a bit. They closed up around 3:00 so BulgarianGuy and I walked up to Manchester Pub for a few more. I got pretty wasted and so did he. He kept telling me how much he likes me and hasn't met anyone else like me, especially here in the States, etc. I told him that my heart is somewhere else and that I like him as a friend, but that I don't want to hook up or anything like that. He came back to my place and we hung out and talked for a while. Finally I passed out.
I woke up this morning on the bathroom floor. BulgarianGuy was passed out on my couch. I got up, got dressed and we went out for brunch. He drank two Coronas and that's it. He said that in Bulgaria they drink beer for breakfast.
Okay....
Now I'm back in my house and it's twilight. The city seems so calm outside and I feel like I can finally rest. Things are so much better in my head. All of the anxiety lingering from my chaotic December and my ambiguity with Narc is lifting out of me. I really do feel peaceful right now and I'm determined to have a productive day tomorrow. I really hope this new year is going to be a good one. I just have to keep my habits in check and remember that I have goals to work towards. And I have to sing again.
So that's it, goodnight for now! I'm going to go enjoy this feeling.
PS: IrishBird called me today. She was upset last night, but glad that I checked on her. I hope she has resolution in the new year too.
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